In Defense Of My Hogwarts House
Slytherin isn't all bad...right? Right?
Let me start by saying that I am what you may call a “fringe” Harry Potter fan. I was living abroad in South America when the first books came out and therefore completely missed the initial round of Potter Mania. I saw the first two movies before I read Book One. By that time the third movie was already prepped for release so I admittedly shifted away from even attempting to read all of the books and just relied on my being completely educated through the films. I know, I know. Shameful. It did however create some very real gasps from my end as plot twists unfurled in the movies. I was a lot of fun to invite over during watch parties.
Despite my shallow exposure to the Potterverse, I still enjoyed and got sucked into elements of the fandom. My wife on the other hand has read every book multiple times and will be my phone-a-friend if I ever find myself in a million dollar Harry Potter Trivia Game situation. Naturally we had to get sorted into our houses when the Pottermore (now Wizarding World) website first opened up.
My wife? Gryffindor! This tracks. She is determined, brave, and carries all of the traits that qualify only the truest of heroes.
Me?
Slytherin.
“Wait. I’m not a villain right?” I immediately asked my wife. I thought my outgoing social drive, happy demeanor, and quick wit would have pushed me more towards Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Just say Hufflepuff over and over again. It’s hilarious! But Slytherin? They’re supposed to be cunning and prideful right? Didn’t really seem like me. I dismissed the sorting as pure hokum and decided to not read too much into it as one shouldn’t read too much into their horoscope.
But, like reading too much into one’s horoscope, I read too much into my house.
I honestly didn’t think about it that much until we took a family trip to Orlando to visit The Wizarding World at Universal Studios. Each of us repped our house T-shirt for the length of the trip; two Gryffindors, two Hufflepuffs, one Ravenclaw, and one Slytherin. As we stood in the ride queues I found myself increasingly judgmental of the tone of voice used to describe Slytherin.
“Join us on this journey!” the animatronics would proudly boom. “Will you rise up and be brave like Gryffindor? Smart like Ravenclaw? Friendly like Hufflepuff? Or will you be cunning (the tone of voice turns suddenly more evil) like Slytherin?”
There was an edge to the voice every time the word ‘Slytherin’ was uttered throughout the park; a reminder that they we are the house you don’t want to get wrapped up with.
Was I reading too much into this because I felt exposed standing there in my green T-shirt representing the house that I didn’t choose but rather chose me? Or am I hearing that tone of voice because I secretly want to be the bad guy? Maybe it’s just cool to be different. The renegade. Other green-clad park visitors offered knowing nods as we passed each other. It seemingly confirmed that we were all experiencing some profound internal turmoil as we wrestled with the realities of being labeled the villains of this world. Either that or they drank one too many butter beers and there was an ever more present, even more real turmoil brewing.
I began defending Slytherin to friends and family as we talked about our experience in the park. “Slytherin only seems like the villain because they’ve been pushed into it.” I would proclaim. “Every other house has been conditioned to hate them. If everyone uses a sinister voice when they say ‘Slytherin’ then of course they are going to seem inherently evil. I mean, a Slytherin student breaks a rule and the whole house is big time punished. Harry breaks every rule and everyone is like, ‘two billion points to Gryffindor!’ Sure. Draco is a punk, but isn’t Snape the real hero of the story?”
Potter wiki sites describe Slytherins as natural leaders. They like to hang out with each other and passionately defend their friends. Nothing wrong with any of that.
Reluctantly I bought a copy of the video game Hogwarts Legacy late last year. For those unaware, it is game where you create a Hogwarts student and take them through various journeys while very rarely attending actual class. It is unique because you can link the game to your Pottermore account and have your own house and wand imported into the game to be used by your character. Decisions you make throughout the game shape your character and progression path.
I am sorted in to Slytherin and early in the game I meet Sebastian Sallow. He guides me through everyday life as a budding Slytherin and how to navigate the school. Pretty quickly we manage to get jumbled up in a few messes (classic Hogwarts) and it seems the “only way out” is to learn a little bit o’ the dark arts. With this game you have the choice to either learn this super tiny, super insignificant, mega inconsequential dark spell or ignore it because everybody over at Hogwarts told you “it was bad.”
Cunning instincts and natural leadership kick in and I quickly make the easy choice to learn the spell. It was totally the right decision. My man Sebastian and his posse were in trouble and…well…more spells can only be better right? Plus, if I didn’t learn that particular little spell he would probably still be stuck in some crypt with his arm stuck in an elaborate puzzle.
Over the next few months I play some game sessions here and there. Activities include saving lots of animals from poachers, taming a Griffon or two, building a sweet secret lair, going to a class here and there (yes, Professor Garlick is everything), flying around a bit, learning a few more powerful dark arts spells…
…ok, let’s just cut to the chase.
I fast track my way to learning the Killing Curse and find it oddly satisfying to juggle multiple trolls in the air whilst turning poachers into flaming chickens and launching them like grenades into goblin mines.
Here Dumbledore. You can have my wand back.
